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sneaky bastard
Hovering inside the "personal space" of a Kamikaze Conversation is the ambulance chaser of metaphysical thought and a hell 'ovah sneaky bastard - The Spiritual Override.
When pushed to the edge and faced with dastardly and uncomfortable emotions a spiritual override (S.O.) comes in for the sanctimonious and righteous swoop to save me from feeling my own hot mess. The S.O. to the rescue again. Great, right?
Think again.
Think again.
As I learned, a S. O. happens the moment you quietly capitulate to a course of events that goes against your gut in order to conceal your vulnerability and truth. I, myself, had gotten so proficient at the S.O. that I thought myself invincible. So good, in fact that I contemplated dawning my own super hero cape.
Until that day fateful day when a modern-day mystic called my bluff.
upside down
My world was turned upside down within the first five minutes of our appointment. No holds barred - she made the blunt observation, "You have no roots."
Aghast and disheartened...How dare she tell me that I am anything but and enlightened channel to the heavens? Did she have any idea how much work I had put into preparing for this session? Fasting, hours of meditating, seven days of organic green smoothies...
I sat there slack jawed and confused beyond belief. I had worked so hard up until this moment to be the best, most complete version of myself I knew how. Endlessly reading, meditating, yogaing.
Just when I thought that I closed all the exits and stood my ground with unerring conviction! I was alcohol, gluten, smutty tabloid and reality show free. I had broken up with T.J. Maxx and closed every possible exit I knew of to remove distractions leading me asunder.
Yet, somehow, I knew she was absolutely right.
Concealing my truth, not enforcing my boundaries or voicing my preferences and opinions had prevented my proverbial "roots" from growing deep. I was, essentially, a tree just waiting to be blown over by a five knot breeze - which happened a lot. And as long as I remained a whore to the good opinions of others my roots would remain stunted.
This was the first time in my life that I had EVER heard that overriding my own emotions to maintain status quo was wrong. I had been conditioned to obey my parents and dutifully behaving in order to stay within the margins of social mores and rules. I had become the extension of my parent's wishes and rarely contemplated exerting my own will for fear of their disappointment or causing any additional friction.
During this session, I felt the panic and disorientation as though I was in the undertow of a massive wave. And then, finally catching my breath, it became clear for the first time in my life, I had to wrangle with the intimidating gauntlet of how to register, feel, defend and articulate my own emotions.
At that moment, a big part of me would have preferred to die in that wave.
the characteristics
The typical characteristic of a skilled spiritual-overrider is that of a a phenom rationalizer. They can rationalize their whole soul (and health) away if given the chance for fear of disappointing anyone. Internal preludes to soul sucking rationalizations reek of resigned obligation and silent martyrdom mixed with mellow trance-like surrender. The external affects may be laced with a form of peppy, frenetic, glassy eyed pseudo-willingness. Their eyes may dart uncontrollably around the room for fear of exposing their truth and compromised integrity. And lastly, they insist that "It's all good..." sheerly out of desperation to hear their own reassurance.
A generic S.O. might sound something like this: "It's OK that Perpa Trata continues to park in my spot. Clearly, The Universe wants me to learn how to be flexible." or "Even though Chatty Chattanooga talks incessantly about herself, I really don't mind going out to lunch with her. I must have talked a lot in my past life. There must be something The Universe wants me to learn."
Until that day fateful day when a modern-day mystic called my bluff.
upside down
My world was turned upside down within the first five minutes of our appointment. No holds barred - she made the blunt observation, "You have no roots."
Aghast and disheartened...How dare she tell me that I am anything but and enlightened channel to the heavens? Did she have any idea how much work I had put into preparing for this session? Fasting, hours of meditating, seven days of organic green smoothies...
I sat there slack jawed and confused beyond belief. I had worked so hard up until this moment to be the best, most complete version of myself I knew how. Endlessly reading, meditating, yogaing.
Just when I thought that I closed all the exits and stood my ground with unerring conviction! I was alcohol, gluten, smutty tabloid and reality show free. I had broken up with T.J. Maxx and closed every possible exit I knew of to remove distractions leading me asunder.
Yet, somehow, I knew she was absolutely right.
Concealing my truth, not enforcing my boundaries or voicing my preferences and opinions had prevented my proverbial "roots" from growing deep. I was, essentially, a tree just waiting to be blown over by a five knot breeze - which happened a lot. And as long as I remained a whore to the good opinions of others my roots would remain stunted.
This was the first time in my life that I had EVER heard that overriding my own emotions to maintain status quo was wrong. I had been conditioned to obey my parents and dutifully behaving in order to stay within the margins of social mores and rules. I had become the extension of my parent's wishes and rarely contemplated exerting my own will for fear of their disappointment or causing any additional friction.
During this session, I felt the panic and disorientation as though I was in the undertow of a massive wave. And then, finally catching my breath, it became clear for the first time in my life, I had to wrangle with the intimidating gauntlet of how to register, feel, defend and articulate my own emotions.
At that moment, a big part of me would have preferred to die in that wave.
the characteristics
The typical characteristic of a skilled spiritual-overrider is that of a a phenom rationalizer. They can rationalize their whole soul (and health) away if given the chance for fear of disappointing anyone. Internal preludes to soul sucking rationalizations reek of resigned obligation and silent martyrdom mixed with mellow trance-like surrender. The external affects may be laced with a form of peppy, frenetic, glassy eyed pseudo-willingness. Their eyes may dart uncontrollably around the room for fear of exposing their truth and compromised integrity. And lastly, they insist that "It's all good..." sheerly out of desperation to hear their own reassurance.
A generic S.O. might sound something like this: "It's OK that Perpa Trata continues to park in my spot. Clearly, The Universe wants me to learn how to be flexible." or "Even though Chatty Chattanooga talks incessantly about herself, I really don't mind going out to lunch with her. I must have talked a lot in my past life. There must be something The Universe wants me to learn."
The one common trait in these interactions, and the tell tale sign that you have just committed a S.O., is the feeling of dread that lingers even after you've forked over your parking space in perpetuity to Perpa or dined the ding-dong day away on Chimichangas with Chatty. It's that feeling like you have let your soul down and you are faced with a lifetime of being relegated to alternate side of the street parking regulations punctuated by coma inducing lunches. It's as though your spirit says to you, "Well, Hon. Now there's ninety bazillion minutes of your precious life - gone." Gone. Poof. Bummer. If you find yourself saying those three words you've committed a bonafide S.O..
In truth, you would have rather be cleaning your fridge than going out to lunch with CC. In fact, your 100% would have referred her to a therapist while you lined your veggie drawers with Bounty followed by a decidedly torturous yoga class feeling great while drowning in your own Bikram sweat.
the internal tantrum
Instead of acting towards your integrity by hosting a Kamikaze Conversation, you opted for the over-rationalized S. O. The only advantage being that short term discomfort of speaking your truth was avoided, allowing long term suffering to linger indefinitely.
As a brief example, since childhood my fear surrounding verbal self-expression made for a meek human in body, mind and spirit. My inherited low self esteem and difficulty expressing myself created a blocked throat chakra resulting in a chronically stiff neck, halting speech and the inability to summon words resulting, eventually, in thyroid disease.
Each one of the chakras or human consciousness centers holds valuable information for each one of us to use as our internal radar. The moment there is emotional, mental or physical conflict it generates a warning signal that if not heeded will get louder and louder offering greater discomfort until it is acknowledged and processed properly.
but how, you ask?
Each and every time there is a situation that pinches you into a corner, take a moment to step back and observe your emotions. For example, let's say you've let Chatty's call go to voice mail for the third time. Clearly, you don't want to talk to her - let alone get roped into another lunch date. Weigh it out on both hands - your left hand you answer the call, your right hand you let it go to voice mail for the fourth time. Which feels better? Although laced with a little guilt probably the right hand, right?
Bring it one step further. On your left hand, letting the call go to voice mail or on your right hand admitting to yourself that you can't show up for her as a friend in the way she needs? My guess is that you're willing to admit to the right hand, right? After you have processed this through your kind, heart-centered filter (i.e. "what would LOVE do and say?"), follow through with a Kamikaze Conversation. By showing up with your truth and setting your boundaries Chatty has been compassionately and humanely informed. As opposed to prolonging the destabilizing and confounding silence as to why you don't answer her calls this process shows her you care enough about her than to perpetuate her already low sense of self-worth. Simply stated, treat Chatty the way you would like to be treated. And in this moment, each of you share an incredibly powerful opportunity to heal wounds that linger in your respective throat chakras.
superhero powers ACTIVATE
Here's your charge my fine and fabulous ones...
Activate your superhero eviction powers and kick the sneaky S. O. bastard to the curb. Start taking care of your inner landscape and speaking your truth like your life depended on it, because it does.
Become emotionally fluent with the range, texture, dimension and magnitude of how our human emotions are meant to facilitate for us - not against us. Brush up on the internal (emotional) clutter clearing adventures you are about to undertake. Don your cave spelunking head lamp and start digging yourself out of the murky depths of questionable integrity - one, kind Kamikaze Conversation at a time.
Most importantly, hold space for your own vulnerability. Because to be truly alive, healthy and vibrant you must reveal your truth. You have the power to transmute this vulnerability into a wise and courageous engine. You'll find that once you rid yourself of the interlopers and get the hang of speaking and acting with integrity - then and only then will you end your dysfunctional dance with suffering and open up a whole new world of peace, clarity and purpose.
Julie Bowes - soul & silversmith
P.O. Box 82
Sherman, CT 06784
203.240.4397
P.O. Box 82
Sherman, CT 06784
203.240.4397
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