Wednesday, May 8, 2013

rescue

How often when performing a rescue are we, in fact, rescued ourselves? So was the case, for me, over the course of this last week.

It was a Royal Flush of beautiful days, the first one equally as brilliant and sparkly as the day prior. Nearly impossible to stay inside for nary a second longer than to transfer the wet laundry into the dryer. Engaging enough to power wash the deck until the well went dry or cut the grass with scissors. Tempting enough to drag a mattress and sleeping bag outside as day turned to night. Anything to spend more time outside was easily approved, including Kola's frolicking eyes that begged for some together time on the Appalachian Trail.

Out we skipped with wings on our heels and magic in the air. This day felt extra special. A day that you wouldn't bat an eyelash if you got caught for playing hooky. It was day three, the queen of hearts, in this string of days. No through hikers, no slack packers, no day hikers. Just me, my dog and this effervescent day pregnant with momentum of burgeoning leaves and early spring flowers. The bird songs transported us through the Hundred Acre Wood of Camelot. Faster and faster we progressed like a hungry whale gathering krill soaking up nature's essence. The beauty as crisp as an apple fresh off the tree. Each dappled patch of filtered sunlight enticing our hearts to stop, look and listen.

Capturing this clip of majesty in a sensory bite of elation, my feet planted themselves on the forest floor. Kola scampered on ahead. The pierce of the blue bird, the caw of the crow, the song of the finch, the meow of the mocking bird. Daaaamn, I thought. That mocking bird has the cat call dooowwwwwnn. My head swung to the north to get a good look at the Elvis impersonator of the skies. From which tree was that white jump suit and full head of hair singing? Again, another meow. Scanning and scanning I wrapped my eyes around each arm and branch in the emerald glen.

There Elvis was,dressed in apricot fur and looking suspiciously like...a kitty. Forty feet high and 80 degrees slanted, kitty ran up this tree like it was a racetrack to safety. That's all well and good for the first two days which is precisely how long it had been since my previous visit through this corridor. I added approximately 357 pictures to my camera roll afterwards which we sat and chatted as Kola waited patiently for me by the stream. Kola knew that kitty needed some private coaching.

Our session went a little like this:

Meow. Meow. Meoooooow.

I know kitty. I can't be frightened or sad enough for you to make you come down. So, the deal I am going to strike with you today is that I am going to stay happy, centered and playful. With these thoughts comes the courage and support you need to make it down on your own.

Meow. Meoowwww. Meow. Meeeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwwww.

Yes, kitty. I know. But now you need to get your game on and back your stupid ass down the tree. I have faith in your will to survive!

In the past I may have considered a midnight vigil or hiring a tree climber or even going as far as cutting down the tree. But sometimes love means letting go. And with that I flashed a carefree, nonchalant grin, hugged the tree and joined up with Kola.

I posted kitty's pathetic mug on Facebook and texted kitty's picture to my friends who speak fluent cat. Upon returning home I baited my hook. Kitty's plight was gently jigged before my husband and twelve year old son. I let them decide for themselves how entwined they would permit their hearts to become. Bites of compassion were received as far away as Germany - everyone rooting for kitty! Yet where the rubber met the road was the adventure that my husband and I took as a team.

For the first day I took solace in the advice of other friends in high places, "When kitty gets hungry or bored or both, he'll come down." I tried to coax him down with an excruciatingly dramatic and noisy lid peel of Friskee's buffet. If I had a battery operated can opener I would have brought that too. Yet this 7 month old cat wouldn't have had an clue of this former cat magnet just as my children don't understand the allure of a book. The draw of the Friskies Buffet was my surefire Ace. Atop a mossy rock I sat the open can of food. I left with hopes of a vacant tree come morning.

For the second day, kitty still aloft, all hope was lost as busted myths filtered their way through the internet that, "Yes. In fact, cats DO die in trees." The reason you don't ever see a kitty carcass in trees is because their claws are only meant for climbing up. And unlike squirrels they cannot decend. They die, fall out or not and their carrion is consumed by flying or earth bound scavengers of the animal kingdom.

The third day, my king of hearts husband and I struck a deal. I took him to the emerald glen and within .002 seconds past the first meow he said, "I'll help you but we are NOT adopting another cat." Deal. We returned with the kitty rescue kit comprised of:

A square laundry basket lined with a towel, 100 feet of line, two 4ft. lengths of line, fishing rod with 70# fishing filament, 3 oz. lead weight, water, bowl, can of food and kitty crack - catnip stuffed Greenies.

The lead weight tied to the filament made it over the cat sitting on the arm of the tree. Kitty bit feverishly at the filament to fight for her balance. In addition, the circuitous route of the lead weight, careened through several other branches and obscured an easy path up which the basket could travel. Redo. I cut the weight free with my teeth. My husband pulled the line and filament back towards him. Again, he threw the weight up and over a somewhat lower branch where kitty had been sitting the day before. It was a perfect net shot, hitting the branch with just enough momentum to bloop right over the side and straight down. I traipsed through the pricker bushes and retrieved the lead weight to sister the filament and the heavier gauge line together in a fail proof knot. At the end of this line was the basket. Up, up, up it went filled with all the goodies. We waited for ten minutes. Yawn. So, home we went.



That afternoon on day 10 of hearts, I returned alone. I was not greeted with a plea for help. Kitty was fiercely dehydrated and dying a sleepy death. All of it's systems were shutting down. The sun shone on this beautiful animal and I was so sad. How could I reconcile this experience in my conscience? Allowing every soul their rightful path did not leave room to fall a tree on behalf of this foolish cat. And if we had played the chain saw card what would have prevented kitty's embarkation into similar conundrums? Yet how would I be able to pass by this tree on future walks without passing this site in deep remorse?

I asked for help. The memory of this story eased my sadness.

Only a week prior I was told The Story of Jumping Mouse. The deeply condensed version, in which I will not reveal how mouse got its name, goes something like this... The mouse wanted to leave her home to pursue her curiosity of a sound she heard far off in the distance. At first she was lead by raccoon to a great rushing river. This answered her question of the noise she had heard. Yet a greater question then formulated. What is the source of this river. Through the course of her journey she met many different creatures. Each of them taught her and brought her as far as they could. Some of them gave her advice, some of them gave her a ride, some of them asked for her help. To help soothe their woes, she helped both Buffalo and Wolf by giving each of them one of her eyes. She reached her destination blind but content. At the water's edge of the deep blue lake she transcended higher than she ever thought possible, she was eaten by, and could now see, through the eyes of Eagle.

Jumping Mouse translating into Stupid Kitty brought me relief. Jumping mouse got it's wish in a way that was even better than had stayed in the form of a mouse. Similarly, Stupid Kitty, may have been on a likeminded journey? Who's to know. Yet, what I do know is that I could not want more for kitty than it wanted for itself. I went to sleep with a heavy heart, doubting whether what I had done for kitty was enough to keep my regret at bay. If she needed to transcend into Eagle that would have to be okay. Confounded, my husband and I pondered why a cat wouldn't opt save it's own life and choose to die in the crux of a tree. Just before we drifted off to sleep our collective exasperation surfaced through his remark, "This is why cats don't rule the world."

The Jack of Hearts was Day Four. We saw the kids off on the morning bus and dreaded our obligation. As much as we wanted to turn away from the misery of the inevitable and walk the manicured lawns of Crawford Lane we hung a left and walked up and over the saddle of Smoke Ridge. Entering the trail head, lost in sadness, my mind fast forwarded to solutions as to how to set my Facebook post to rest. Entering into the opening of the glen, Kola was by my side. My husband, eager to see whether high doses of catnip had the desired affect, scurried up ahead. If dehydration didn't kill him the overdose of kitty crack very well may have.

Kitty was gone.

No. Correction. Kitty was in the basket, Houston! In silence, my husband held an ecstatic thumbs up high in the air. Neil Armstrong was coming in for his lunar landing. I squelched my inner paparazzi and hung back in the command module to steer the ship. Had I raced forward or let Kola out of my sight our mission would have been sure to fail. Slowly, so as not to rattle kitty back into the tree with a quiver of the basket, my husband nimbly loosened the line. The first three foot rapid decent gave enough margin for kitty to surrender to freedom. The remaining 37' was without commotion or turbulence. Lofting back to earth she made her smooth landing, leaped from the basket and scampered away. My relief expressed itself in heaving shoulders and silent tears of JOY. Minutes went by before I could take a breath as meows of thanks sailed off into the distance.

The Royal Flush of weather came to an end just as the basket lowered down to terra firma. Right there and then the rains came. How wrapped up I had gotten in demise and lack of faith. Regardless of the pictures of successful rescue I had transmitted to kitty, I had abandon my trust of a successful outcome. I had assuaged my sadness through legend of spiritual override. I had given up hope and settled for disappointment. As the forecasts of rain ranted heavy the dreaded outcome seemed to loom in the clouds.

All the fingers crossed on Facebook, texts of encouragement and calls for local assistance and suggestions increased the bandwidth of kitty's courage. Where I succumbed to doubt everyone else stayed strong. It was momentum of hope that brought this outcome around. Not only was kitty rescued, but also my understanding of faith, hope and trust as well.

Ask Yourself:
What needs rescuing?

Monday, March 4, 2013

tangle

I have a strange little penchant. I am part of the .03 percentage, whom, when presented with a rat's nest of necklaces, tangled christmas lights or the mid-life crisis' of coaching clients, dive like an Osprey at the opportunity for a fulfilling meal.

Happy and contented I sit with the pile of metal seaweed that Jen has delivered in weepy gestures and disbelief. "My 3 year old only shook the jewelry box four or five times. I don't understand how these necklaces could get so knotted in that short of a duration. Are you sure you are OK with this...I mean, I'll pay you for your time." Meanwhile, as I inconspicuously wipe the rivulette of drool from the corner of my mouth, the sweet anticipation of detangling this useless, until unraveled,  $5K jumble of pearls, diamonds, gold, silver and platinum spagetti gets the best of me. I would rather spend three hours of my time sorting out snarles than cooking dinner. And although I have come a long way from slingin' hash, the snarl always trumps meal prep. Some would say that, other than taxes and driving obstreperous children in Bronx traffic, very little frazzles me. The questions that come to mind are, how did the three year old get to her good jewelry and, Please God, how can I make this happen again?

I have been trained for 45 years by self-starting "shoulds" and "need tos". Out of self preservation, however, I am learning to deconstruct these walls in favor of vunerability, feelings & fun. Yet, still holding fast with vestiges of an independent, solitary and stoic demeanor leaves very few opportunities for onlookers to view a complete and total unhinging. Only those carrying the secret handshake and cojones to cross the mote after the carrier pigeons fail to return will witness the grand unravel. Namely my husband, because he doesn't have an option, in the form of heavy sighs and moderately snappy retorts until I collapse in a brackish puddle.

Not long ago two of my closest friends Jen and Kate had the privilege of witnessing such a display. I use the term 'privilege' lightly as, in the process, it felt anything but. I, myself, was in a closed-circuit tangle and they knew it.

I stood in front of the answering machine as one call floated downriver to voice mail. Although muffled at the bottom of my purse, a second call followed quickly on the heels of the first. If I didn't answer the phones they would be sure to avert.

I predicted wrong.

Not one minute later, Jen and Kate, stormed the castle bearing radiant smiles, gifts and food. The rush of their deals scored at the pre-dawn boutique sale -the offer I declined- was too much for them to contain. One could see the bargain adrenaline in the form of Achillies wings. Yet, by this time my chain was already kinked. The energy loomed heavy.

In Logbook for Grace by Robert Cushman Murphy, Captain Cleveland of the whaling brig "Daisy" facetiously advised his greenhorns "Never throw anything into the wind except boiling water and hot ashes." For the past few months I had been doing just that in the form of assumptions and taking things personally. Both of these had steadfastly knotted the good part of my mature reasoning into clumpy dread locks.The context titrated down to two things: silence and assumption. The silence and precisely, my assumptions regarding the silence was the perpetrating ingredients brewing in my sucky stew caldron for months.

My. Total. Frigin. Bad.

I was solely, totally and embarrasingly to blame for my meltdown. In the days that followed I felt it imperative that the details be surrendered in an apology to my cherished friends. Yet, my self-starting, problem solving, can-do attitude held me up short with vocabulary on how to start this difficult conversation. I couldn't see the baubles for the jewelry chest. I was trapped, unable to straighten out and unweave this mess of emotional chains. My Houdini self was stumped within my own magic act.

I needed back up.

To quote the title of Anne Lamott's new book, Help, Thanks,Wow: The Three Essential Prayers, I relegated my sorry ass to the wi-fi, laundry, dishes and meal free preoccupation zone in the form of a tree dwelling to begin the solitary process of self inquiry. Hovering around 12 degrees I was swaddled one antler button short of a Bavarian Inuit and whispered, "Help.".

No kidding, thirty seconds later the ring tone of an ethereal harp heralded the arrival of my sister's HR aplomb. With great detail in nearly one 24 minute run-on sentence, monologial bandwidth ablaze, I relayed to her all the details that comprised the gig. In angelic simplicity she offered, "Just tell them what you've just told me, Julie. Tell them how much you love them and how much this friendship means to you." And then she proceeded to walk me through the opening script, content rich with love, truth, strength and compassion. ("Thanks.")

Twenty minutes later Kate and Jen, walked through my door. Two hours conferring and what amounted to a exhausted heap of expired Kleenex, we had mulled over the circimstances, snafus, twists and tangles. Afterwards, we surveyed how beautiful the knotted heap of interwoven strands had been smoothed out, polished and restored to the luster of friendship deeper that we had known prior. ("Wow!")


 As with any difficult conversation and its inherent desire to run for the hills, the more I wanted to run away from fear the hardier it became. Only by surrendering love for fear was the element that had the capacity to change tack and open up all facets of possibility. Accepting my vunerability allowed friends to help and heal in ways we all never anticipated. This tangle required a team; each of us stepping into understanding nurtured through friendship, respect, love and compassion. The opportunity to take this well guided leap of faith allowed me to release the accumulated energetic debris and step into my power; to speak my truth and know that I'm not going to die in the process.

Ask Yourself:
How can I lovingly speak my truth?


Julie Bowes - Metalsmith/Spiritual Facilitator/Indentured Hash Slinger
P.O. Box 82
Sherman, CT 06784
203.240.4397

JewelTree, LLC
Facebook/JewelTree, LLC


 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

crawdad

About four inches in length and still glistening from his trek through the moist morning leaves scuttled this feisty crawdad during a misty morning in the last quarter of autumn. He stood en guard and able to lunge and pivot in the detection of heaving Labrador breaths and a frenzied wagging tail. Left to Kola's devices this crawdad would have heartily fastened himself to the flesh of a canine nostril with a similarly fervent, yet less odorific version, as that of a frontal blast from a skunk. The one clear distinction being that the skunk, in making a lumbering, gassy retreat is not facing his opponent head on. He lacks the speed required to outmaneuver anything faster than a snail.
The crawdad, however, stands his ground. He takes his threat head on with claws gaping. The armour of this capable warrior makes him one of the oldest species of creatures that exist today nestling in somewhere between the cockroach and the Komodo Dragon.

Yet on this morning in mid-October this little guy was the last thing I expected to see on my daily walk down Andersen Road. My level of surprise superseded a reaction had I come face to face with a:

Bear - (practiced response) Don't play dead.

Deer - (practiced response after a wardrobe change into my brunette wig and Snow White gown) [Hushed tone]..."Oh sweet deer, I won't hurt you. What forest message do you have to deliver to me today?"

Mountain Lion - (practiced response) Currently accepting suggestions.

This crawdad brought me to a state of silence and awe as if the dream I had last night of a moose smoking a cigar was true. Most likely due to any former experience with crustacean is tidily summed up in Downeast coordinates accompanied by an opaque, one ounce container of clarified butter aside a steaming ear of corn.
Cinching up on Kola's leash and holding him at arms length, with the curiosity of Alice in Wonderland, I made dexterous contact with his cephalothorax to relocate him two feet over, fingers crossed, where he wanted to go. Nestled into the leaves, out of harms reach, Kola and I continued on our series of right hand turns that create the loop to which our passing, resident onlookers can set their watch. As I perform a visual scan of the surrounds, Kola uploads a dog narrative through his profuse compilation of olfactory data. I compile evidence of new branches down on the trail, out of state plates visiting town, the number of New York drivers who are reluctant to drive beyond their side of the double yellow lines...all downloaded. Life continues on, per normal.

At the exact moment when the gyro of rights looses its gravitational pull is precisely when we make a left just beyond the corner where the ancient willow tree keeled over during Hurricane Irene. A mere twenty paces beyond lay an asphalt anomaly. Five paces closer and I squint to discern the origin. The pavement is darker than what the mist could have deposited. The outline is strangely familiar. Ten steps further and horror registers as a swift gasp enters the lungs before I cover my lips with dismay. The glossy shell is broken to smithereens. Fearsome Crawdad has morphed into Flat Stanley.

"Aww, crap.", I uttered to Kola. He gazes up briefly before proceeding to sniff the remnants.
Turns out, because I don't speak crawdad-clickity-clack-Morse-code I boarded the critter on the express line to doom. Perhaps, had I been a better crawdad tracker I would have known that he was heading in a Northerly direction and hence, should have transported him to the opposite side of the street. As Master of the Universe and having rolled the magic number, 'duh', I put him right back at his starting square. Sometimes that is what we nurturing types do. We project.

In attempts to transport the crawdad to safety was not a huge departure from my ongoing challenge to keep my firecracker Tatum (my 10 year old daughter) from getting run over in any parking lot. In addition, what I failed to acknowledge were three distinct markers.

1. Crawdads don't resemble a worm - or a woolly bear caterpillar and, thus, require no aide. 
2. As stated in the Rules of Navigation, vessels with impared mobility have the right of way and thus, acknowledging crawdad's above average maneuverability and speed, do not qualify for neon flashers that scream "May Day...May Day...May Day" (otherwise translated from French M'aidez meaning :"How did I get myself into this mess?").
3. The story of an encounter with old man turtle the size of a half domed basketball.  Seeing that this event transpired an estimated 8 years ago in the brittle blur of child rearing, it took until now to move beyond my post traumatic stress and connect the two experiences. Yet, one fateful day with 45 minutes of discretionary time I, super hero, altered the route of my run and put my optimum heart rate aside to come to the turtles aid. The nudge of my shoe set him ablaze with a fearsome snap as he attempted my swift ankle amputation. I got the message  "I didn't get this big with help from the likes of you.", he said. And somewhere along the line forgot it. Until now.

Had I respected his path and allowed him his own passage as the turtle tried to teach me years ago, crawdad would have had ample time to cross the road and avert one - well maybe two - of four tires. Mais non. Forgotten lessons and good intentions gone bad. And in this putrid realization I humbly profess my stupidity that, in actuality, has been happening for quite some time. I have been doing this with my children for so long their self-empowerment lays fallow.  

Through a series of guided and gentle upgrades I am relinquishing the need to control the outcome and allow my children the benefit of crossing their own "street". This path is littered with dirty dishes, laundry and buckles of ski boots accompanied by frustration of plethoric associated gear. It is also tainted with the invisible gravity anchors of unspoken truth and uncomfortable communication that undoubtedly arise along the way. I believe my motivation, under the guise of "nurturing", is really just a cop out. I now understand clearly, that my projecting this fear onto the animal kingdom serves the same amount of purpose as trying to teach the critters how to direct traffic in Times Square. Nurturing insists a deeper understanding and "leaning into" of universal orchestration and faith; Faith that each individual is on their unique path and letting them learn the lessons that intrinsically provide the most meaningfully assimilated experiences. The conditions that one being has drawn to him/herself is intended specifically for them and them alone. Just because it made me uncomfortable to see this crawdad lined up with the gully rut of right tires should have not factored into my action. I feel similar discomfort in listening to Tatum struggle to fasten her ski boots after the attempt to make it to the lodge holding a caddywhompus collection of pickup sticks. I'd just as soon stick a ski pole in my eye. It's a great opportunity to practice the art of non-attachment and let her work it out. 

I had no place in moving this creature. It should have been my sole duty to observe and allow. Great Spirit of Crawdad - give me strength to cross my own street and honor the path of others do the same!

Ask Yourself: 
How helpful is the assistance you offer?

Join the JewelTree Facebook community! Daily thoughts, photos and clips that assist in pondering the passage.

Julie Bowes - Certified Life Coach
JewelTree, LLC
P.O. Box 82
Sherman, CT 06784
203.240.4397