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I questioned whether this would be a compelling topic and doubted whether anyone would be interested in how I never have been responsible for an alcohol related car accident or how I have never hid booze in the dryer or, holy crap...just heard about this the other day...soaked tampons in vodka. Nope. Although I have chalked up plenty futile days wasted in self-negotiation as to how many drinks I would allow myself at the next party and the subsequent epic hangovers, never have I woken up incarcerated or put my children at risk. I am thankful that it didn't take an atomic mistake to wake me up to the realization that alcohol had too tight a hold on my refined ability to rationalize glass number four. What the heck just finish the bottle. My boring, drama-less story, therefore categorizes me as a Melba toast alcoholic.
I read a magazine article yesterday about four women, mainly mothers of young kids, who, like myself, gravitated towards some cottagy type home biz where blogging maintained their connection to their adult brain. Hiding from being pecked to death by ducks, alcohol provided them with "supplementary" coping skills in the throws of trench parenting. All of them all had their own blogs for differing purposes. One wrote about her jewelry business, one about this, one about that...but all of them ended up using the blog as their platform to "come out" with their vulnerable challenge.
When I was contemplating my life without alcohol the term "vulnerable challenge" would have felt more closely akin to any derivation of the word "death". The effects of alcohol made me feel smart, desirable, fearless, fun and confident. That is, until about glass four when the words started to slur and the end point of my own story would run for the hills. The next few days would be a mine field of self-doubt and beration of whom I may have offended amidst my field of tangents. The article I read left me with the statistic that one out of every four moms are struggling with alcohol addiction that have or are spiraling towards the full-blown, gale force skewer of a drowned olive.
"Why would you want to write about this then?" my husband pointed out. "There is nothing devastating about your story. I asked you to refrain a little and you chose to stop drinking completely."
"Well, maybe I need to let people know my story so that they might have something to consider as a preemptive point to disembark so that they might, just maybe, avoid the inevitable train wreck. Maybe they need to register a story of a mediocre alcoholic to empower their own choices and decisions. Maybe people need to know that if they are thinking about quitting for one reason or another the benefits are so worth it. If people could see and feel the benefits of a life without alcohol I believe they would welcome the opportunity more easily. Now, even if I could enjoy a couple of glasses of wine every so often I would choose abstinence because I prefer the clarity, I prefer the way my body, mind and soul feels without it and I prefer reaching for meditation to get me to that comparable state of energetic inebriation. I love the capacity my heart has to love now."
The one thing that the article lacked was the guidance and methods as to how these women kicked the habit and found a sense of fulfillment and peace with the absence of what they had considered their best friend, booze. One woman felt that the 12 step program was beneficial and they all seemed to find solace in their common thread of trying to overcome their addiction together. I asked myself though, what are some additional steps that one can take to nurture the four bodies (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) back into balance once such a dependent substance has been removed? Not that this would work for everyone but I'd like to add one pivotal practice for me which was and continues to be, meditation.
Meditation is a safe place. It is a zone where grounding, peace and self-love are resurrected. Once attained an energy similar to that of a flame ignites lending the feeling of the first glass, gulped. This sacred space is like getting a room of your very own; a quiet, tidy space filled with fluffy pillows. As my quality of life is dependent on this space I guard it, nurture it, cultivate it, breathe it. It is a captivating silence that the longer it is imbibed the smarter, funner, love-lier and confidently present one doesn't just feel...one becomes. It is a party that I rarely want to leave but feel restored, grateful and appreciative when I must. Going into meditation resets all the common denominators to love and melts all fear, doubt, irritation, impatience, anger and ego related struggles away. The benefits my family and I have reaped are vast. The quality of love, patience, tolerance and mindfulness have cords reaching into heightened familial solidarity. The spirit of love guides us more in our thoughts, words and actions.
I had instituted meditation as a daily practice a year prior to dismounting my affair with the goblet. The effects were so immediate and delectable that I contemplated how much better they could become without the toxic effects that lingered long after any alcoholic beverage was consumed. The longer the duration of my meditations the more intensely captivated I became. However, had I indulged in my old vine zinfandel even two nights prior, my meditations started from an impaired platform of scraggly, barnacle & seaweed covered rocks. Conversely, setting out of the gate with my four bodies intact; a clear mind free of self-doubt and insecurity, a pure body free of the toxicity of alcohol, my emotions heightened with anticipation and my spirit engaged with pure intention, the meditations took flight and soared towards access ways into the divine. The delicate flame of Universal conductivity ranneth over.
I was fortunate to have had my meditation practice to put into the position that alcohol had at one point inhabited. If you consider finding yourself ready to take this next step I would only have one piece of advice not to emulate. Refrain from implementing your new direction on the night you decide to host a New Year's Eve party.
Ask Yourself:
What do I have to gain by admitting my vulnerability?
If this post given you an opportunity to apply to your own life please "like" JewelTree, LLC on facebook. Daily thoughts, photos and clips that assist in pondering the passage.
Julie Bowes - Certified Life Coach
JewelTree, LLC
P.O. Box 82
Sherman, CT 06784
203.240.4397 or email Julie@Jeweltreellc.com to schedule your sample coaching session today!
